breathe through it

I’ve been trying to “get over” some losses because even though I know better, the “just get over it” cultural norm pollutes my thinking.

I’m not “over” these losses. I’m still in the process of letting go. Of reflecting on what they meant – what they mean now.

Someone wise once told me that sanity is when our story makes sense to us. We can string the events of our lives – the joys and satisfactions, losses and betrayal – on to a coherent chain of meaning. Feel the feelings and be settled in ourselves about the past.

This is a process and we often see it as slow because we’ve been told to “get over it” and so we expect it of ourselves.

I’m writing a lesson now for my Shipwrecked Project: How to hold a Funeral. A good funeral has both sorrow and joy. It has laughter and appreciation and gut wrenching grief. All together.

There are eras that end. Chapters in our lives that may be over. For good or at least for now. Work we miss. Celebrations ended. People who left or people we walked away from. People taken from us. Even losses that come out of our own choices demand to be mourned.

When a sad or bitter memory comes up, it’s a chance to remember what we gained, what it cost us, what we lost. Where it still hurts. Mini funerals. And just breathe through it.

*Wrote this for me and maybe for you too.