(Me at my ugly worst).

I had a lot of meetings the last couple of months. I did not enjoy them. I realize that I love you
all very much but some of you – well, you wear me out. Picture my grouchy face and rocker
going a hundred miles an hour while I gripe about the “younger generation”. At my age, you’re
all the younger generation and besides I was born old.

I go to meetings prepared. If I’m supposed to read something, I do. If I’m supposed to write
something I do. I take notes. Organize any questions I have. In advance. When we meet I also
take notes and particularly note what I committed to and when the team needs it. Even with all
that, I still make mistakes and sometimes miss the boat and have to double up. I put in the
effort. No matter what.

I work toward goals and results. And if I hit a snag or it becomes hard – well – I do it anyway. If
I’m under the weather or feeling blue, I do it anyway. If, in the middle of it, I realize I have to
learn a whole new tool or language to do it, I learn it and I do it anyway. I may not like it. It may
feel discouraging, but the “extra mile”, and “no matter what” is built in to everything I say yes
to. I do it anyway. I don’t have another setting.

Unfortunately on a team, when there’s gap between the goal and the effort required to meet it,
I end up filling it because someone ignored the goals and deadlines and submitted explanations why the work didn’t get done in lieu of the work. If I try to address it, and someone gets uncomfortable, it’s suddenly a matter of respect. I guess you’re right. I don’t have a lot of
respect for half measures.

But the world of work has changed. For all the best reasons. I just don’t fit into it anymore. I
find that I’m both slower and faster than those I work with. And while they expect
accommodation and feel entitled to it – I actually need accommodation and do not get it.

I find myself angry a lot. And complaining. No one needs to hear that crap. So ugly. Yuck.

I’m trying to understand. Some folks call what they do (don’t do) work/life balance I call it
letting the team down. We aren’t a team because we are in the same room/zoom together.
We’re a team if we keep our commitments to one another.

Connection minus commitment is just coffee with an acquaintance.

BUT – when the third or fourth person irritates me – well, that’s when I realize I’M THE
PROBLEM. I really am the problem. The problem is no longer about the work. It’s me. And my
expectations. And the fact that, as the song says, “I Did It Tired”.

I get to work to my standards. Other folks get to work to theirs. This new wave is teaching me
to carefully measure what I give and calibrate my commitments to align with what people are
really going to do. Not the talk. The walk.

Who I did appreciate this week. I’m working with a crew on a construction project – all men. All
trades. Working with their hands and heads. Craftsmen who care about their work, show up
early with their tools and supplies, start work immediately, redo whatever is not to their
standards, encounter and deal with the unexpected without complaining, deal with heat, dust,
physical discomfort, work toward a deadline as if it matters.

At the beginning of the project, they were interrupting me every twenty minutes with a
question or to show me something and I realized why after a day or two. They were taking the
deadline I asked for very seriously and weren’t going to let anything stall their progress, and
weren’t going to rush it past what I wanted. We got along really well once we got going. I check
in with them at a good pace and vice versa. We’re looking for other things to do together. I do
love a good tangible goal.

I’m sorry for being such a mean old grouch. End of rocker.