I don’t have many. Before you get all “mental healthy” on me, let me work this out.

I don’t have many because I don’t want to spend all my time protecting my borders. Policing others to make sure they don’t come too close or go too far. I’m not fragile. I’m also too busy trying to deal with my own shortcomings to scan other people.

I have big boundaries like “don’t lie to me, spin me or sell me”. Hate that shit and I don’t forgive it. When I see big lies I start quickly cutting that person/institution out of my life. Once I know I can’t rely on what you tell me, I’m really done. Just plotting my escape.

It’s revealing to see what people do when boundaries are loose. Most people proceed carefully, working to be fair all around. Sometimes we read the headlines and forget how many of us are earnestly trying to promote fairness and live in integrity.

SPENDING TIME – NEW BOUNDARY

But here I am today suddenly preoccupied with time. Time. Mine. The hours in my day. Days.
A long time ago, my time was not my own. It belonged to the institution I worked for – that’s how it felt – and I let other people “spend it”. Letting anyone have unlimited access to your time is like giving someone your bank account passcodes and saying “spend away”. Only it’s way worse.
Today I’m reminding myself that time is precious and how I “spend” mine is my most important responsibility. And one I’m still a bit uncomfortable with. I work a lot because I love to work. But I also know I need to do other stuff too. I forget to plan the other stuff. Like fun.
Allocating my time across activities and working on projects I care about isn’t so hard. But drawing a boundary – my mother’s voice here – “go where you’re respected and appreciated”. And my friend Andrea who says “go where the road rises up to meet you”. That’s a new step for me. Not sure how it will turn out – this new boundary. I’ll let you know.
What are your “big boundaries”? What are the “no matter what” standards you set for yourself?
*I definitely wrote this for me. For you too?