Questions men have asked me since #MeToo

  1. How can you go back and change the rules? This stuff used to be no big deal, right?
  2. Now, do I have to think before I touch a woman at all, anywhere?
  3. Everyone’s just competing to be a victim. Stuff happened to me too. I got over it. Why can’t they?

My answers:

  1. No. No. No. We didn’t change the rules. It was never okay. Ever. You were wrong then and now. We teach kindergartners to “keep your hands to yourself”. It’s kind of basic.

  2. Yes. You do. You have to think about touching. Every single time. You must self consciously consider your every move. Asking yourself and the women around you: Is it appropriate? Is it welcome? Could it be misinterpreted? We can help you with that – we’ve been anxiously considering those questions – examining our actions, our cues, our dress, forever. Your turn.
  3. We are all “getting over it” by going through it. One of the benefits of women speaking out is that men who’ve been abused will also have a chance to speak out. Because you also have the right not to be assaulted. The only competition here is between people who want to grab, grope and assault and those who want to walk, live and work in peace.

 

Waking in peace should win.